I Think, Therefore I'm Inked

Last April I decided to take a risk and do something far outside of my box. For much of my life I've judged people with tattoos but I've never had a reason for that judgement. I always associated tattoos with the uneducated, people who didn't realize that they would be living with that ink on their skin for the rest of their lives. While I spent so much of my time judging people with tattoos, I secretly wanted one. I felt conflicted. Last April I decided that I was going to get a tattoo, and I haven't regretted it since. 

My freshman year of college, I took a class called LOGOS and in the first two weeks of class we had read Rene Descartes' Meditations on First Philosophy and I was introduced to his phrase "Cogito Ergo Sum: I Think, Therefore I Am" and something about that idea has stuck with me ever since. The idea that the outside world is decieving and all that we can truly know is that we are thinking just really makes me think. I got that phrase tattooed on my upper lefthand shoulder to remind me that I am a "thinking thing" and as such, I need to use that to my advantage. I also decided on the phrase because it was the first real piece of LOGOS knowledge that I could say that I understood and really liked. It marked the beginning of my experience in that class/program and I got it in my last few weeks in the program last April. It not only represents that idea of thinking and intelligence, but it represents the program that has changed the way that I look at the world around me. 

It's a simple tattoo, just three words written in a cursive script, but this simple piece of art that I have has changed the way that I look at others, just as the idea and class that it represents, which is a really cool thing. By having a tattoo of my own, I've stopped judging others. One of my best friends has tattoos and never in a million years would I have thought that I would hang out with people with tattoos, but you know what? I've already started looking at other tattoo ideas. Something about using your body as an artistic canvas and having meaningful, little pieces of work that aren't typically visible, is totally cool with me now. Now, I'm not going to go out and have my body covered in ink from head to toe, but I am not opposed to getting one or two more little tattoos. One of the biggest oppositions to getting a tattoo is the question of whether or not you'll like it as much when you get older, but I'm 20 years old. I have many more years to worry about that. I'll probably be thought of as a badass old lady some day with the cool, intellectual tattoo. Some of the most fascinating people I've ever met have been tatted up and I think there's something to say about that.

Dear First Year Me

I've been getting somewhat sentimental lately and I think it is because I'm going into my Junior year of college and I have no idea where the time has gone. Over the holiday weekend it hit me that my brother is going into his senior year of high school and I have no idea how in the world that happened. My leadership position on View Crew has also sparked some of this sentimentality when working with new students. I absolutely love their excitement an curiosity and I really enjoy watching them make the transition from high school to college.  There was so much that I worried about coming into college that really wasn't necessary and there was a lot that I learned during that first year that I feel should be documented. 

Dear First Year Me,
College is FUN! Embrace it and have the time of your life but most importantly...
1. Be yourself. Seriously. High school is spent trying to fit into some mold of who you think you should be, and this is the time to figure out who YOU are. Not who people WANT you to be. There's a difference. A big difference.
2. Embrace change. You will spend the first week of college crying yourself to sleep, but you get over it. Homesickness is a real thing and it hits hard. Especially when your mom continuously sends pictures of your dog saying how much she misses you. You can and will get through it. You will even get to the point that when you go home for a weekend occasionally, it actually excites you to get back to Des Moines! I promise. 
3. Stop being so freaking shy. It's okay to be an introvert. It's part of who you are, but you HAVE to start opening yourself up and losing the shyness. There will come a day when you have to go out of your little comfort zone and you'll learn how much fun life is when you expand your horizons. 
4. Take risks. You will eat things you never thought you would get yourself to (hello there, sushi), you will do things you never expected (whats up tattoo) and you will find that taking those risks has helped you develop into the person you are meant to be. 
5. Never stop questioning. Don't take everything at face value. I know how gullible you really are and it's not going to work out so hot in your favor if you just believe everything someone tells you. You have to figure things out for yourself.
6. Everything will be okay. You are going to have this going through your head consistently for at least the next four years. Life can be stressful. You will be broke. All the time. Not just occasionally, but it's a consistent thing. It gets old but it always works out. 
7. Get involved. This isn't a question knowing you, but don't take on too much at one time. There are great things that stem from getting involved on campus and dabbling in everything is okay. Apply for leadership positions and don't let it get you down when you don't get hired on Team GV because you will get hired on SLT and View Crew. 
8. Embrace failure. I promise that you will learn how to accept and embrace failure. It's not that you will be lowering your standards, but you will be coming to accept that you aren't good at everything and some things are just not meant to be. Getting a B in Biology isn't the end of the world. Life seriously goes on. Who cares if you get a B in the hardest class you've ever taken? A B should be considered an accomplishment. 
9. Don't think you're "too cool for counseling" because it is seriously the greatest thing you will discover in college. Having someone to talk things through with and vent about life to is absolutely incredible. I can guarantee that you will grow through the awkward, quirky sessions you have and they will come to be your favorite part of the week. 
10. Realize that your family isn't your only support group. You are going to develop the absolute best connections outside of your family with faculty and staff members that can't even match the relationships you have with some of your best friends. Celebrate those people and let them know how much appreciate them. 
11. Don't worry about making friends. You may not have 500 best friends but you will develop a close little group of incredible ladies who will always have your back. That's the best kind of friendship if I do say so myself! 
12. Live your passion. Stop trying to conform to what people want you to be. It is your life. Maybe teaching FCS isn't exactly what you were meant to do. It's a great time to realize it Freshman year while you have time to change rather than when you are older. Maybe you have always been meant to pursue your love of history. That's how life works. 
13. You don't need a big meal plan because let's face it. You won't be eating on campus all day every day. It's excessive and expensive. Low ball it because you can always go up but you can't go down. 155 meals a semester? I don't think so. You will have meals left over. 
14. Cherish every moment. You're only 18 once. Let that propel you forward. Enjoy your time with friends, stop to smell the flowers, tell those around you how much you really appreciate them. 
15. Positivity is key. Remember that workshop you did at NLC in Orlando? Yeah? Take your own advice. Living life with a negative attitude isn't going to get you anywhere. The world isn't out to get you. That cashier who was grouchy while you checked out? They're having a rough day. It's nothing about you, smile at them. Try to brighten the day of others.
Most importantly HAVE FUN! Don't be a party pooper. If your friends want to go do something, don't make excuses to not do it. College is supposed to be the time of your life. Make it that. 

Risk and Failure

Each week I have a different challenge or thought to think about. This week my challenge has been to think about what is good about taking risks and embracing failure. The timing couldn't have been better. On Saturday I interviewed for one of my dream positions. I've wanted this position for years and it finally opened up. I applied, worked with my campus career center, got recommendations (one from the President of my university mind you) and gave the interview my best shot. In the end, the position was offered to someone else. I was absolutely crushed. In my life, I haven't taken risks very often. I've just stuck to what I knew. The biggest risk I've ever taken was running for an FCCLA state office in high school. I've never tried so hard for something to not work/ fail before like this and I've learned some things. Success doesn't always depend on how hard you work. Sometimes it's out of your hands. You just have to accept that. Someone once told me that failure isn't fatal and that's so incredibly true. For some reason I've always been afraid of failure to the extent that I thought that if I failed I would disappoint those around me and everything I worked for would be down the drain. This experience has been one of the most humbling of my life. You don't really know how many people you have rooting for you until you fail and they come to support you.
I don't like taking risks because of my fear of failure. But it's almost like not living because you're scared of death. That's dumb. You don't really live unless you fail. So many successful people attribute their success to failures and this experience has shown me that even if I fail, I have a huge support group to catch me and pull me back up. Recently I've been working on taking risks, but I haven't done any that would even have room for a failure. I need to do that. I'm going to start taking risks in every way I can. I've always excelled in everything that I've done and failure has never been in my vocabulary. Now that I see that failure is a part of life and a part of growing, I see that you don't truly live until you experience it. As much as I think that they made the wrong decision in not hiring me, I understand that I just wasn't the right candidate that they were looking for. Something better will come along and I will move on. I need to stop focusing on my high school glory days and put that enthusiasm and energy into my positions on campus.
In the end, I've learned a lot in the last 24 hours. I went from an emotional wreck to being accepting of it. I didn't realize how easy it would be to move on, but I'm excited to see where I end up next.